Where you from, you sexy thang?????

Welcome to the world of on line dating. Due to poor editing I am now profiled on two dating sites. One sends me a "quiver" of people they think might be good matches for me. Apart from turning up the occasional giggle (I was sent the profile of a friend of mine recently who was very embarrassed to be outed as an Internet dater quite like that...he'd previously claimed his highly successful dating life was due to being set up through friends), occasionally I get sent highly dubious characters like this:

I am a very happy man, living the busy life with no time to date. I like music and movies and taking long walks. I am looking for a Chinese girl who will be my lover. She must be small but not young, Experienced but not abused. Sexy and willing to do everything I need because I will be giving her everything she needs.

He also adds later that he is "hung like a horse" and that people should contact him if they are "curious about being with a big man".

Now, set aside the obvious (not Chinese, not that small) what on earth would match me with this creature?? Clearly I need to revisit the profile. Or maybe the pool of guys is so small that this nearly complete mismatch (we are at least both looking for humans) is the best the site can do??????

This is right up there with the most offensive direct mailing I have ever received, namely for static caravans in North Wales (I appreciate the non-UK readership of this might not get the full horror - but static caravans are something I might consider in my dotage, not in my sleek Poobarian prime).